Things I'll Never Say
by Beloved
Summary: Clark decides to tell Lex everything. And offer him everything, in one fell swoop
1. Tears and Revelations

Title: Things I'll Never Say  
  
Author: Beloved  
  
Feedback: belovedplankhotmail.com  
  
Fandom: Smallville  
  
Warning: m/m interaction going on here (eventually) in other words - SLASH!!  
  
Pairing: Clark/Lex  
  
Rating: PG13for eventual slash and light swearing  
  
Disclaimer: None of it's mine (apart from the small thing vaguely resembling a plot) and never will be   
  
Stares dreamily off into the distance at the thought of TW and MR belonging to her  
  
Summary: Clark decides to tell Lex everything. And offer him everything in one fell swoop   
  
Note: The song, and title, is from an Avril Lavinge song of the same name.  
  
Author's Note: A huge thanks to all of my tremendous beta's: Robin, Chibimom, ShadowVamp and Abi!  
  
NB: This fic is a birthday gift to my friend Louise – know as Emerald Embers  
  
Clark wiped his eyes again; to stare at the small, silver object he continued to twist round his fingers. He was sitting, huddled up in a corner of the caves – again.   
  
He and Lex had been 'together' for a while now (not that many people knew about it), and Clark continued to run to the caves every time they had a fight about his powers.   
  
These fights were usually brushed off after a few days apart. Clark would miss Lex too much to stay away and Lex loved him enough to overlook it all. But, as always, Clark worried over how long Lex would put up with it. This had been their biggest fight yet. Clark had not seen Lex for almost 2 weeks, and it was tearing him up inside.   
  
He looked back down at the object in his hands, and the tears started to fall once again. Once he had come of age, a hologram of Jor-El from the caves had informed Clark about Kryptonian mates – that one person, with whom he would share everything, be everything, the other half of his soul. Even way back then, when he was first told, he knew (subconsciously perhaps, but he knew) that it was Lex. He loved him. Forever. Completely. And it tore him up inside that Lex thought Clark could not trust him.  
  
Clark had entrusted Lex with his heart, and would trust him with his life, he would gladly die for Lex. It was not really that Clark did not trust him with his secret – he seriously thought that Lex's knowing would help keep his secret!   
  
But Clark had come to a realisation. He was not afraid of Lex revealing his secret, he was afraid that, on top of all the lies, it would simply be too much for Lex, who had told him so many times that a friendship could not last when based on lies. He was more afraid of losing Lex than anything else. But Clark knew that they could go on forever with his secrets. If he could not prove to Lex that he trusted him, he would lose him anyway.  
  
At that, Clark wiped his eyes, and nodded decisively.  
  
"I'll tell him. I'll tell him everything. I'd rather he leave me by choice, than have my secrets and lies tear us apart."  
  
He looked down at the now slightly grubby silver ring in his hand, and smiled slightly.  
  
"And hopefully, once he knows absolutely everything, we'll be happy. Both of us."  
  
With a final swipe at his eyes, Clark sped off home, his head filled with plans.  
  



	2. Enrique

  
  
Clark knocked at the door of Castle Luthor after completing his chores.  
  
"Good Morning Master Clark. Many Happy Returns."  
  
"Thank you Enrique. Is Lex in?"  
  
Clark's face fell somewhat at the look on the butler's usually stoic face. It was rare the butler was unsure of what to say, and this was one of those moments.   
  
Clark sighed.  
  
"It's OK Enrique. I knew there was a chance he still wouldn't want to see me. Could you please just give him this from me? Tell him I dropped by, and that I hope to see him later?"  
  
Enrique nodded, as he took the envelope, a flicker of pity in his eyes.   
  
"Of course Master Clark. I hope you have a pleasant day."  
  
"Thanks Enrique. Bye!"  
  
"Good day Master Clark. Good day."  
  



	3. Letter and a Proposal

  
  
Lex was in the foulest mood, and had been since he last saw Clark He had stated, rather, demanded, that he not be disturbed. At all. Under any circumstances.   
  
Therefore, he did not receive news of Clark dropping by until he was sent his lunch tray. The tray contained a covered dish with hot soup, his favorite cucumber sandwiches and a piece of Martha Kent's apple pie, which his cook had bought at the Talon, now that Clark wasn't making deliveries (per Lex's instruction). Next to the food was a letter written in Clark's distinctive scrawl.  
  
Lunch abandoned to Lex's curiosity, Lex opened the letter…  
  
Today is my eighteenth birthday (as you know), and there's a little 'thing' at The Talon tonight. Regardless of whether you forgive me, I'd like you to come.  
  
After all the secrets, all the lies, they come down to only 2 things:  
  
I'm an alien  
  
And I Love You.  
  
I can't really write about the first one. I'll explain it all to you though, I promise.   
  
However, I think I'd find it easier to explain my feelings for you on paper.  
  
But first, listen to this.   
  
Lex pulled out a CD, upon which Clark had scrawled 'Things I'll Never Say' and 'Please Play Lex'  
  
Lex got up slowly, and placed the CD into the player, listening attentively to the lyrics;  
  
I'm tugging at my hair  
  
I'm pulling at my clothes  
  
I'm trying to keep my cool  
  
I know it shows  
  
I'm staring at my feet  
  
My cheeks are turning red  
  
I'm searching for the words inside my head  
  
Cause I'm feeling nervous  
  
Trying to be so perfect  
  
Cause I know you're worth it  
  
You're worth it  
  
Yeah  
  
If I could say what I want to say  
  
I'd say I wanna blow you...away  
  
Be with you every night  
  
Am I squeezing you too tight?  
  
If I could say what I want to see  
  
I want to see you go down  
  
On one knee  
  
Marry me today  
  
Yes, I'm wishing my life away  
  
With these things I'll never say  
  
It don't do me any good  
  
It's just a waste of time  
  
What use is it to you  
  
What's on my mind  
  
If ain't coming out  
  
We're not going anywhere  
  
So why can't I just tell you that I care  
  
Cause I'm feeling nervous  
  
Trying to be so perfect  
  
Cause I know you're worth it  
  
You're worth it  
  
Yeah  
  
If I could say what I want to say  
  
I'd say I wanna blow you...away  
  
Be with you every night  
  
Am I squeezing you too tight?  
  
If I could say what I want to see  
  
I want to see you go down  
  
On one knee  
  
Marry me today  
  
Yes, I'm wishing my life away  
  
With these things I'll never say  
  
What's wrong with my tongue?  
  
These words keep slipping away  
  
I stutter, I stumble   
  
Like I've got nothing to say  
  
Cause I'm feeling nervous  
  
Trying to be so perfect  
  
Cause I know you're worth it  
  
You're worth it  
  
Yeah  
  
Cause, I'm wishing my life away  
  
With these things I'll never say  
  
These things I'll never say  
  
And I do. Love you. Want to Marry You. Be with you forever.   
  
You're my Mate (I'll explain later) and I'll love you always. Completely. Forever.   
  
Even if you do not, or cannot, forgive me, or if you just want to be friends, this ring belongs to you. No-one else will ever wear it.   
  
With Hope,  
  
Love Always  
  
Clark Jerome Kent  
  
Aka Kal-El  
  
Tears streamed silently down Lex's face as he read the letter, and yet, an awed smile graced it also. Running his fingers over the ring, he noticed the strangely familiar symbol, and read the PS at the bottom of the letter…  
  
PS. The symbol is the Kryptonian (Krypton is my home planet) symbol of hope.   
  
Kal-El is my Kryptonian name.  
  
The tears continued to stream as Lex broke out into happy laughter. Then, grabbing the letter, ring and a coat, Lex rushed out, intent on getting Clark a birthday gift which would sufficiently answer Clark's proposal.  
  



	4. Party Surprise Arrival!

Clark stood at the counter of the Talon, surrounded by friends and family; Pete, Lana, Chloe, his parents. However, the happiness was pasted on, his smile forced. The most important person was still not there. Lex. As Clark watched the happy scene before him, his façade dropped for a moment – and Chloe grabbed him. Pulling him aside, she started firing questions;   
  
"What's up? Everyone's here – wait. No Lex. I know you've had a fight – which you still won't tell me about! - but he's still your friend. It's your birthday, your 18th! Lex wouldn't miss this! Not an opportunity to give you presents without your dad complaining too much! He'll be here if he can."  
  
At that, Clark forced his 'happy face' back on, and Chloe patted his arm before wandering off back to Pete.   
  
Not long after, Clark was once again surrounded by these people – circling him and his birthday cake. Video camera in hand, Chloe stood to one side, focused on Clark, who was blushing profusely at all this attention focused solely upon him.   
  
With everyone else's attention fixed on Clark, and the loud singing of 'Happy Birthday' to him, while Clark's attention was set on not dying of embarrassment, Lex's entrance was hidden.   
  
Clark closed his eyes as the song drew to a close, and made his wish –Lex. When he finished blowing out the candles, he opened his eyes to find Lex standing before him, with a tentative smile and happy eyes.   
  
Clark beamed, a smile no one had seen for at least two weeks.  
  
"Lex! You came!"  
  
Lex passed him his card with a small smile in response to Clark's beaming grin. "Of course. Happy Birthday Clark."  
  
Clark just stared at him for a moment in happy shock  
  
"You might want to open it," Lex pointed out, raising an eyebrow at the look on Clark's face.  
  
Clark blushed slightly as he was jolted out of his reverie, and pulled the card out of the envelope to read it.  
  
Clark,  
  
If you want your real present, you'll ask me properly.  
  
Happy Birthday my love,  
  
Lex  
  
X  
  
Taped to the inside of the card, was the ring. Clark looked up at him in wonder, tears in his eyes.  
  
"Really?"  
  
Lex nodded.  
  
Unaware (or perhaps uncaring) of the fact that everyone was watching him, Clark walked round the table to stand before Lex. Even as he bended on one knee before Lex, he remained oblivious to the crowd around him, focusing only on the most important thing to him - Lex.   
  
"Lex, we've been arguing recently, but it has only made me realise how much I care about you. You were right. Our friendship will be the stuff of legends, and a relationship cannot last when built on lies. Now, you know everything. You complete me. You are the other half of my soul and I want to stand forever by your side. Now I am of age, I can finally ask you. So, Alexander Joseph Luthor, will you marry me?"  
  
The people surrounding them gasped, but Clark and Lex continued to ignore them.  
  
Lex just held out his left hand by way of reply, and smiled lovingly down at Clark as the ring was slipped on. Then, Clark took his hand and stood, stepping straight into a familiar warm, loving embrace, and they kissed, their first kiss as an engaged couple!  
  



	5. Lex's Turn

  
  
Once they finally parted, Lex slipped a hand into his pocket, pulling out a blue velvet ring box. "My Turn"  
  
Even Clark gasped as Lex then proceeded to kneel before him, opening the box to reveal a gold ring, with two symbols engraved.   
  
"Is that...?" Clark drifted off as he stared at the exquisite piece, engraved with an identical kryptonian symbol, and the "S" from Alexander's breastplate.  
  
"Yes. Can I…?"   
  
"Of course!" Clark held out his hand, but, rather than Lex placing the ring onto the appropriate finger, he held it out to Clark.  
  
"Read the inscription."  
  
At that, Clark turned the ring, so he could read the inscription inside; 'The Stuff Of Legends – Eternally'  
  
As their eyes met, they both laughed slightly, and Clark allowed the tears to fall as Lex slipped his ring on Clark's engagement finger.   
  
Lex stood, and they moved to kiss once again.  
  
As their lips met, bright blueish-white light encompassed the boys, a flash so quick that most of the people surrounding brushed it off in a practised manner (with the exception of the two senior Kents), thinking it to be a trick of the light. In a similar way, they also missed the fact that Clark and Lex were floating several inches above the ground!   
  
As they floated, Clark heard the voice of his father, Jor-El, in his head;  
  
"You are now mated. You have chosen well my son. Be happy."  
  
As they sank back down to the floor, Clark pulled Lex tighter to him and whispered in his ear, "Mine. My Mate, my life, my soul."  
  
Lex just snuggled closer as he whispered back, simply, "Yes, yours. Eternally."  
  
THE END. 


End file.
